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Breaking
News
There is nothing, really. The planet is still spinning
‘round. Like a record, but
not flat. If it was flat, then the Inquisition would have won and there would be
no Internet.
New
News:
Cowboys Lose Pre-Season Games! World Comes to Complete, Full Stop!
Of course, if you are reading this,
then I guess it could really be at a complete stop. Maybe some people just need to get it
through their thick skulls that it is just a game played by people who
don’t care about you and don’t want anything to do with you.
Your money? That’s a different story. They want to be good friends with your
money.
Old
News
What Comes After Postmodernism?
If
Modernism is long past and Post-Modernism is now quickly following, what
movement is next? Futurism?Would
Post-Futurism follow that? Or do we now switch to Modern Modernism, to be
followed by Post-Modern Modernism and then Modern Post-Modernism and then
Post-Modern Post-Modernism? Ooh! Then we could have Modern Futurism and Modern
Post-Futurism! Then, to top it all off, we could have Post-Modern Futuristic
Classicism!
Type
"modern" a bunch of times. Isn't it a funny-looking word?
Global Warming
It
has been discovered that Global Warming is an elaborate hoax! The Earth
is NOT getting warmer! Scientists have discovered the actual cause
of warmer temperatures: the sun is expanding! Several leading astronomers
from the University
of Delaware
and the University
of Maryland
at Baltimore
compared images and data captured during 30 years of solar studies to reach
their remarkable conclusions. The UD/UMB researchers had many points in
the press kit accompanying their press conference breaking the news.
1)
Early pictures of the sun showed it to be small and grey. The sun did not
seem all that hot and the winters were cold.
2)
Pictures from the 70s showed that the sun was turning redder and seemed bigger
in the newer photos. Summers were hotter and bathing suits got smaller.
3)
Current research tells us that the sun is actually very large, much larger than
the Earth and it is very hot. The evidence of excessive heat is confirmed
by the general lack of clothing worn by people at all times of the year. And thong bikinis. Do not confuse this with men in
Speedos. That is a sign of the Apocalypse.
The
scientists involved in this project insist that the sun will be too large and
too hot to support life on Earth within the next 50 years. They suggest
that the government shift priorities and push large amounts of money into
finding a way for Mankind to avoid being roasted when the sun engulfs the
Earth.
More in the Struggle Against
Violent Extremism
In today's breaking news, the Islamo-Fascist-Democratic-Terrorist group Islam Defense Infidel
Obliteration/Termination Society has demanded that Toys'r'Us remove all blocks from their shelves,
claiming they are an insult to Islam, defile the Holy site Ka'ba, and slander the name of Muhammad. Please note the disturbing number of
similarities displayed in the pictures below:
You will notice that both pictures depict a
cube-like object with 3 sides visible in the picture.
Rumours in Mecca
say that another extremist group, Libyans, Ottomans, Syrians, and Egyptians
Rejecting Shaitan, will also demand that all existing
Qbert game consoles be sent to Mecca
so they may be destroyed.
One extremist leader was quoted as saying
"It is indefensible for the West to be allowed to depict some dirty
Infidel to be hopping upon the likeness of the Ka'ba!"
And snakes. We hate snakes.