Breaking News

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Breaking News

There is nothing, really.  The planet is still spinning ‘round.  Like a record, but not flat. If it was flat, then the Inquisition would have won and there would be no Internet.

 

 New News:

Cowboys Lose Pre-Season Games!  World Comes to Complete, Full Stop!

Of course, if you are reading this, then I guess it could really be at a complete stop.  Maybe some people just need to get it through their thick skulls that it is just a game played by people who don’t care about you and don’t want anything to do with you.

Your money?  That’s a different story.  They want to be good friends with your money.

Old News

What Comes After Postmodernism?

If Modernism is long past and Post-Modernism is now quickly following, what movement is next? Futurism?Would Post-Futurism follow that? Or do we now switch to Modern Modernism, to be followed by Post-Modern Modernism and then Modern Post-Modernism and then Post-Modern Post-Modernism? Ooh! Then we could have Modern Futurism and Modern Post-Futurism! Then, to top it all off, we could have Post-Modern Futuristic Classicism!

Type "modern" a bunch of times. Isn't it a funny-looking word?

 

Global Warming

It has been discovered that Global Warming is an elaborate hoax!  The Earth is NOT getting warmer!  Scientists have discovered the actual cause of warmer temperatures: the sun is expanding!  Several leading astronomers from the University of Delaware and the University of Maryland at Baltimore compared images and data captured during 30 years of solar studies to reach their remarkable conclusions.  The UD/UMB researchers had many points in the press kit accompanying their press conference breaking the news.

1) Early pictures of the sun showed it to be small and grey.  The sun did not seem all that hot and the winters were cold.

2) Pictures from the 70s showed that the sun was turning redder and seemed bigger in the newer photos.  Summers were hotter and bathing suits got smaller.

3) Current research tells us that the sun is actually very large, much larger than the Earth and it is very hot.  The evidence of excessive heat is confirmed by the general lack of clothing worn by people at all times of the year.  And thong bikinis.  Do not confuse this with men in Speedos.  That is a sign of the Apocalypse.

The scientists involved in this project insist that the sun will be too large and too hot to support life on Earth within the next 50 years.  They suggest that the government shift priorities and push large amounts of money into finding a way for Mankind to avoid being roasted when the sun engulfs the Earth.

 

 

More in the Struggle Against Violent Extremism

In today's breaking news, the Islamo-Fascist-Democratic-Terrorist group Islam Defense Infidel Obliteration/Termination Society has demanded that Toys'r'Us remove all blocks from their shelves, claiming they are an insult to Islam, defile the  Holy site Ka'ba, and slander the name of Muhammad.  Please note the disturbing number of similarities displayed in the pictures below:

        

You will notice that both pictures depict a cube-like object with 3 sides visible in the picture.

Rumours in Mecca say that another extremist group, Libyans, Ottomans, Syrians, and Egyptians Rejecting Shaitan, will also demand that all existing Qbert game consoles be sent to Mecca so they may be destroyed.

One extremist leader was quoted as saying "It is indefensible for the West to be allowed to depict some dirty Infidel to be hopping upon the likeness of the Ka'ba!"

 

And snakes. We hate snakes.